Gassy Roomate From Hell

The first night in the hospital was uneventful; the bed next to Mom's was empty. The room was tight, two beds curtained off from one another. With outstretched arms you could touch both beds.

Thursday afternoon the nurses wheeled in another woman. After the nurse left, the woman began moaning and thrashing in pain, trying to get out of her bed. She seemed to be having hallucinations, talking to herself and such. Mom made Dad go get a nurse for her, worried that woman was going to die.

Shortly thereafter she started burping loudly (and constantly) between moans. The belching reminded Mom of Charlie and the Chocolate factory (the first one). Dad maintains it was more like the movie Elf. Mom had some sympathy for her up until the point that she asked the nurse for Sweet and Low for her tea (in between moans and burps). Mom was over it. As time would tell, the woman had very bad gas.

At that point a nurse came in the room to adjust Mom's IV and the woman let out the loudest, longest fart Mom (or even Dad) has ever heard, 15-20 seconds at least. Sadly this was not the only occurrence.

After which the woman shouts "Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord!!"

Dad and the nurse started giggling uncontrollably, Mom was not amused. She turned to Dad, imparting crystal clear instructions for change: "I don't care how much it costs or what you have to do, I can't stay here for 3 more days."

Following the onset of the gas incidents, family time began. While Mom had only Dad, our neighbor proceeded to have 6 visitors join her. While family support is great, the added bodies in the cramped room raised the temperature what seemed like a good 10 degrees. Needless to say there was a family lounge down the hall that went unutilized.

In the end Dad saved the day and found us a private room down the hall, to which we were moved an hour later.

The story didn't end there...around 1am the next morning, Mom was feeding Ella and could hear the woman still moaning and burping all the way down the hall. (Dad had gone home to get some much needed sleep) The door to the room next to Mom opened and a woman stuck her head out the door and shouted.

"Shut the fxxk up, we're all doing the same damn thing here" then she slammed the door.

Only in New York.